Grammie’s
happy spirit remained with her until she had to be confined to the
nursing home in Vermont. That broke her spirit as nothing else
had done. It was such a blow to her pride and to her idea of how
families treated one another.
Carrie Lena Marr was the only girl and youngest
child in a family of six. I am sure she was beloved, petted, and
spoiled. But as in any farm family there were responsibilities
and she had her share. The only one I remember her talking about,
and it must have made a deep impression of some kind, was that it was
her duty to empty the night pails every morning. One day she
stumbled and dumped the pail down the back stairs. She had to
clean up the whole mess by herself. I think she was 8 at the time.
Grammie had a deep sense of family pride. In
her day, the family farm was a show place. Her self-esteem kept
her in good physical condition, upright posture, well dressed, wearing
jewelry, and with her hair coifed. The woman who found her after
her stroke was there to take her to her hair dresser’s
appointment.
Grammie was independent. At the age of 70 she
was working in a nursing home, for old people she said, cooking for
some who were younger than she. Until her stroke, she helped
prepare the food for the daily hot meal at the Senior Citizen meeting
place.
After her stroke, she would beg Uncle Mel or Uncle
Reynard to take her home with them. She said she would keep house
for them. ( A granddaughter worked at the nursing home where
Grammie lived.)
When Carrie was just a little girl, Charlie was a
friend of one of her brothers. He was so impressed with her that
he vowed to wait for her to grow up and marry her. She was such a
charming little girl it is easy to understand but surprising that it
really happened.
Her spirit of adventure led her to follow Charlie
across Canada to the different construction camps as he plied his trade
of carpenter. At one of these camps, she lost her first child
Lena at 4 months. Also at one of these camps, she bore Melvin, a
surviving healthy twin.
The other twin died sometime during the pregnancy. (That twin is in a
museum in New Hampshire.) She told me what she drank during this
pregnancy but I have forgotten. Whatever it was apparently
drained the poison from her system and allowed her to deliver a healthy
living child; a miracle even in this day and age. Esther was born
five years later and Bill two years after that.
Charlie and Carrie’s dream was to move their
family to the United States. To this end, Charlie took a job in
Philadelphia, while she stayed home (Digby, Nova Scotia) to look after
Uncle Will and save their money. As you all know Charlie died in
Philadelphia not having been home for two years. Carrie was
determined to fulfill their dream. She invested her insurance
money in a Vermont farm, in partnership with Uncle Peter and Aunt Annie
(Charlie’s sister). This was during the depression and they
lost their investment. Carrie took a series of jobs as
housekeeper and cook, always trying to improve their lot. Even
though she had offers, she determined never to let another man raise
her children and remained single.
Esther and Melvin remember her singing around the
house and making hot chocolate after sledding. She did a
remarkable job under less than ideal circumstances raising three
outstanding children.
Charlie was a happy person who also liked to sing
and go to church. Melvin remembers that they would sometimes
attend as many as three meetings on Sunday. (He will make a good
Mormon.) Esther remembered that he was a very loving person,
holding her on his lap and being very affectionate.
Carrie was very artistic. In later years when
she had the time she did a lot of ceramics. Each of us has
several pieces to give us daily memories. She also knitted and
crocheted. I think each child has an afghan that she made.
When she was in the nursing home she won first prize for her original
patriotic design of bells in needlework. With all the hardships
of her life, I never heard one word of complaint about anything.
I think she enjoyed meeting and conquering the challenges of
life. She loved to travel,
and made a trip to Bermuda with the senior citizens. She wanted
to go to Hawaii but wanted more to have money in the bank to leave to
each of her children. After she moved to the states, she never
returned to Nova Scotia until 1952. We attended services at the
Baptist Church where Charlie’s funeral service was held. We
sat in the same pew where she sat during this service. She sobbed
all the way through as memories returned in wave after wave.
While she was working as a pastry cook at The Chimes in Bellows Falls,
she became a good friend with the cook, Nick Polizos. They had
many good times together and Nick became a good friend to all of the
family. She nursed him tenderly in her flat when he became
terminally ill with cancer. She could never again sleep in her
bedroom but instead slept in the little room off the kitchen where she
moved to make Nick comfortable in the bigger room.
She was a perfectionist in many ways, obedient, respectful, a child of
her times; she was reserved in expressing her feelings. She loved
to give gifts, Christmas, birthday, anniversary, Valentines, to
children, in-laws, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. She wanted
everyone to have a memento and had all of her possessions tagged or
instructions written for dispersal. She tried very hard to
be fair.
Written by: Betty Louise Souder Spittle (age 56) in December 1983
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